Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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