I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
