And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
