FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
