do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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