Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
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