I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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