this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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