Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
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