she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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