dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize