Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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