I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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