oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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