Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
