You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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