Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
