Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
