No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize