Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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