If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
