why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
im six kinds of drunk right now
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
