She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
