The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
