it's too hot outside to masturbate.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
