I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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