please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You are a genius and a whore.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
