WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
