I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
