You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
