I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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