I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
