i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
