Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
