Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
