He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
