fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
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