her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
