He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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