So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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