Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I can't turn off my feet"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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