I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
