just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You're my little dorito
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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