We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
this just has baby written all over it
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
