the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
this is an emotional support booty call
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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