We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
God, you're like boner-b-gone
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
