moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
