so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Houston, we have a squirter
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
