I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I need mimosas to revive my soul
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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