sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize