Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
