1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
