thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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