Quick, to the slutcave!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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