Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
time to smoke my breakfast
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
