He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
