my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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