someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
