Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
he thought i was a dude.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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