Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
