Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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