dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize