Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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