We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
