At least make sure they are 18
Why
Where is the hickey?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
