I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
