He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
