he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
