I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
