I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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