so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
