Your face is a jimmy john
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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