omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
