I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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