I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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