Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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