I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
