if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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