im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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