We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
