True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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