If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
