the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
