but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
