dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just pee around me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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