Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
