3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
