i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
