Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Do vagina's smell?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
