I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
