She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
