You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
