wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize