whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
