1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
