Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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