there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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