....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
