Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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