oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
